Building Self-Validation: Moving Away from External Approval
In a world that often measures worth by external achievements, the practice of self-validation can be life-changing. Many of us seek reassurance from others to feel valued, but what if we learned to validate ourselves instead?
Self-validation is the ability to acknowledge and accept our own emotions, thoughts, and experiences without needing external approval. It’s a vital skill that fosters resilience, confidence, and emotional well-being.
What is Self-Validation?
Self-validation means recognizing and accepting your emotions and thoughts without judgment. It’s about telling yourself, “My feelings are valid,” even when others may not understand or agree. This doesn’t mean you never seek feedback or growth, but rather that you trust your inner experiences as real and meaningful.
For example, if you feel anxious about a social event, instead of dismissing your feelings as ‘irrational’ or ‘wrong,’ self-validation would sound like: “I feel anxious because social situations can be overwhelming for me, and that’s okay. My feelings are real, and I can support myself through them.”
Why is Self-Validation Important?
Builds Emotional Resilience – When we validate our emotions, we become less reliant on external approval and more confident in our own judgments.
Reduces Self-Criticism – Many people struggle with an inner critic that invalidates their experiences. Practicing self-validation quiets this voice and replaces it with self-compassion.
Improves Relationships – When we validate ourselves, we are less likely to seek excessive reassurance from others, leading to healthier, more balanced relationships.
Encourages Self-Trust – Trusting our own emotions and experiences strengthens decision-making skills and personal growth.
How to Practice Self-Validation
If self-validation doesn’t come naturally, here are some ways to build the habit:
Acknowledge Your Feelings – Instead of dismissing or suppressing emotions, recognize them. Use statements like, “I feel disappointed, and that’s understandable.”
Avoid Harsh Self-Judgment – Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try, “It makes sense that I feel this way given my experiences.”
Practice Mindfulness – Being present with your emotions without trying to change them fosters self-validation.
Use Positive Self-Talk – Speak to yourself as you would to a friend: with kindness and understanding.
Recognize Your Strengths – Even in challenging moments, remind yourself of your resilience and past successes.
Final Thoughts
Self-validation is a powerful tool that can transform how we relate to ourselves and the world. By embracing our emotions without judgment and trusting our experiences, we create a strong foundation for self-worth and emotional well-being. It’s not about ignoring growth or feedback, but about honouring our inner world and supporting ourselves with the kindness we deserve.
Start today—acknowledge how you feel, validate your emotions, and remind yourself that your experiences matter. Because they do, and so do you.